Prom Spot - Negotiate With Your Parents and Get What You Want

Sometimes it seems like the only thing standing in the way of you and your perfect prom is Mom. Or Dad. Or both. If you wait until the last minute to bring up what you want, odds are they'll protest. So don't surprise them at the last minute -- it just stresses everyone out (and makes them less generous!). Here's what to do.

If you are fighting about...

Money
Do they know what prom costs? Do you? Be smart and get the facts; otherwise you might be arguing for a side that doesn't exist. Warn them ahead of time: "My friends and I are considering renting a limo. What do you think?" They need to warm up to new ideas! And don't assume Mom will be cool with a $600 dress, no matter how beautiful it is. She might have different values ("A lemon-colored dress? So what?"). If you tell her this is the night of your life, she may just come back with, "It's just a dance."

You say: "Mom, I've done my research. I've looked at thousands of dresses online (Check out our Dress Finder) and tried on half as many in stores, but this particular dress makes me feel confident. I'm really happy in it. Is there anything I can say to persuade you?" If she doesn't give in to this emotional plea, ask her what she thinks a reasonable price for a dress is. Offer to pay her back the difference. You can make a payment plan, using a percentage of your wages from your next summer job. She'll be impressed with how responsible and enterprising you sound!

Curfew
If your parents are going to be standing by the front door with a stopwatch, offer to call them once every half-hour for every hour past the dance, or explain exactly where you'll be and why it's safe (so-and-so's mom will be there, for example). It's a bit of a push and pull. As long as they have some hold on the leash, they should be able to give you a few inches so that everybody's happy. If all else fails, have them call another parent -- maybe he or she will reassure them or talk some sense into them.

You say: "Is it really the late hour you're worried about, or the way I'll be spending the time (or with whom I'll be spending it)? Would you feel better if I armed you with specifics? I can tell you about our plans."

Your ride
If they're going ballistic over the idea of a limo, have them call the limo company to discuss the company's underage drinking policy. Maybe they can even talk to the driver!

You say: "I understand your concern. I will be out with a lot of people that you don't know. But you’ll meet them at the pre-party when we take photos, and you can meet the driver and look inside the limo when it comes."

Your post-prom plans
Bottom line: Whatever your plans, your parents are probably most worried about your safety, especially regarding substances and sex. The best thing you can do is to convince them it will be a safe party with only "good influences" attending. Will there be any adults there? Can you guarantee there won't be any alcohol or drugs? Can you promise you won't be alone with your date -- that you'll be constantly surrounded? Give specifics about the setting and the people. Can you have your mom or dad talk to another parent of the group, or an older sibling who has agreed to chaperone?

You say: "You like my group of friends, and we've never had trouble in the past. We always throw a good, safe party without people going crazy. The only difference here is we'll be dressed up. So we'll be more apt to act in a formal and careful fashion!"

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--Elina Furman